Well, brace yourself...there's another Braziel on this earth. Just kidding.
My cousin and his wife welcomed their new baby boy into the world Monday night at 11:43 pm.
Congratulations Jerry & Alissa!
Perfectionism...is it a good thing or a bad thing? Depends. Do you control it or does it control you? Unfortunately, I must admit that many times I end up letting it control me which means I've taken the reins back from God. Not a good thing. This post is a result of this trait run rampant. I write it not because I love to embarrass myself, but in hopes of encouraging other perfectionist, slightly OCD people to "let go and let God" (and remind myself of this next time Perfectionism rears his ugly head).
As most of you who know and love me realize, I can be a little picky: in my eating, in my organizing, in my cooking...you get the point. And, some of this is not necessarily a bad thing. I can quickly go to my pantry and know if I'm out of something or can put my hands on any movie we own within seconds. Little things that make life a little smoother. The problem is when something goes out of whack, and inevitably it always will, it can totally derail me.
Embarrassing case in point: meal planning and dinner on Sunday night. Meal planning is torture for me. We try to eat mostly organic, whole foods which, while wonderful, requires a lot of planning to make sure you have all the ingredients on hand, and I fret over every detail. How many times this week are we eating beef vs. chicken vs. fish? How many times am I making a Mexican dish this week? Are we eating enough vegetables with dinner? How many compromise foods (those things we love, but just can't make without some processed, Lord only knows what's in it ingredient) are we having this week? Again, you get the point. After determining what meals we'll have that week, I create my grocery list, sorted by department of course. You can probably see where this is going.
After going through this process Friday night and shopping on Saturday, I thought I was prepared to make my stepmom's famous Chicken Enchiladas. Sunday afternoon I realized I hadn't picked up a whole chicken. Oh well, I'll have to settle for chicken breasts (not nearly as good, but passable). Oops, I didn't pick up plain white rice either. No Rotel rice bed for our enchiladas either. I can't put these off because I have two avocados sitting there that will go bad if I don't use them quickly. Frustration is beginning to set in. After all of that work on the menus and grocery list, how did I miss these things?
Then, the last straw: I overdid the seasonings in the guacamole. While not great and certainly not up to normal standards, it wouldn't have been gut-wrenching to eat. At this point, I was in perfectionist hell. Oh, how Satan loves to jump in here. Instead of being calm and chalking it up to one night of not-so-great dinner, quite honestly, I lost it. I dumped the entire bowl of guacamole down the drain and immediately started believing every lie the Enemy and his demon of Perfectionism were throwing at me. "I can't do anything right." "Why do I even bother?" "How can I screw up something so simple?" And it just went downhill from there.
After putting the enchiladas in the oven, I headed up for a hot bath. Fortunately, this time instead of waiting for my poor Shayne to come rescue me out of my pity party (which he has graciously done many times), I recognized it as a spiritual attack and cried out to my wonderful Savior. I cried over believing Satan's lies. I cried over being so far away from all our family. I cried about not trusting Christ enough, and this is what it boils down to, isn't it?
The only reason Perfectionism can get me to this place is because I'm not trusting Him with my life to begin with. I've decided I can do a better job planning and directing my life. I can do a better job than the One who created the Universe. Wow, I can be pretty prideful and pompous, many times without even realizing it. Father, forgive me of my arrogance.
Well, after about 15-20 minutes of this, I got out of the tub and went back downstairs. Was I perky and happy afterwards? No, but I was at peace; resting in my Savior's arms letting Him pick me up out of the quagmire I had created. (I did have to remind myself of this again ten minutes later when I dumped my plate of enchiladas onto my chest. No, I'm not kidding. Thanks mom and dad for that klutz gene.)
This is getting pretty long, so I'll end with two quick thoughts:
1.) Get rid of the labels. I will post more on this one later, but I am no longer going to label myself as OCD. Thank you to my mother-in-law for pointing this out. It is not a mantle I want and certainly not one I want for Hannah.
2.) A thought from Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost for His Highest" posted on a friend's blog a few days ago. "If we are in fellowship and oneness with God and recognize that He is taking us into His purposes, then we will no longer strive to find out what His purposes are. As we grow in the Christian life, it becomes simpler to us, because we are less inclined to say, "I wonder why God allowed this or that?" And we begin to see that the compelling purpose of God lies behind everything in life, and that God is divinely shaping us into oneness with that purpose. A Christian is someone who trusts in the knowledge and the wisdom of God, not in his own abilities."
If you're still with me, thanks for listening. "Talk" to you soon...
Courtney
My oldest niece, Taylor, was baptized on Sunday. She is seven, and already you can see God's hand on her life. She has such a tender, wonderful heart that I know God is going to use in a big, BIG way some day. We are so blessed as a family to already see the Lord setting our girls aside for His work. I can hardly wait to see where He takes them as they grow.
Dear Taylor Jean, "The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
Oh how I wish I could have been there. By the way, be praying for Hannah. She gave her life to Christ on New Year's with Shayne and had asked a couple of times about being baptized. We wanted to make sure she was ready, so we didn't tell her about Taylor's baptism. Sunday morning she talked to Pastor Noah about being baptized. So, I may soon have a post about Hannah's baptism as well :0). (Later that afternoon, we let Taylor share her good news.)
I love you all!
-Courtney
