Why is it so difficult??

Why is it so difficult to trust God with our everyday lives? A beautiful sister in Christ whom I have yet to meet, but know I will someday (even if it isn't until we're finally home) posted on her blog last week. I didn't have the opportunity to read it until tonight, but it really spoke to me. http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2009/03/sea-and-scarf.html

Here is my response to her post:
Dear sweet sister, it is amazing how God can use your posts (even when I'm a week or more late in catching them ;-) to speak straight to my heart. I have been "the special scarf lady" and quite honestly, that was an easy thing to trust God with. For the control freak I can tend to be, that was a no-brainer...life and death...way out of my league...okay God, you take this one. My massage therapist who had been seeing me for years said she had never seen me so relaxed as I was while going through that battle.

Fast forward 3-1/2 years...I still trust God and love Him beyond words. We have followed Him from Texas to Wisconsin and will go wherever He leads us. It's the day-to-day mundane things I struggle with letting go of or "bothering" Him with. I know He cares, but it doesn't always feel like it. Things like the days I can hardly stand to go into work because my job drives me crazy or the times I feel I can't juggle working full-time, being a good mommy and wife, taking care of home, etc. Then, I will allow myself to fret over these things trying to figure them all out. Then, I allow satan to beat me up with the fact that I "should" be trusting God with all of this and now I'm failing at that, too.

Praise God that He loves us through all the human-ness too...even when we don't feel it.Thank you for being an open vessel and reminding us that we're all on a journey, that not one of us has it all together...but Hallelujah! He will be faithful to complete the work He has started in us. (Just may take longer than I might sometimes like ;-)

Love you sister! Praying for you through this transition with your dear sweet baby.

But, back to my original question? Why is it so difficult? Do you find it difficult? While I was going through the cancer treatments, so many people would comment on the strength of my faith or my trust in God in the face of cancer. That wasn't strength. For me, that was the easy part. It was WAY out of my control. The real struggle for me is giving up control and trusting Him with the non-life-threatening parts. Struggles at work, fear of failing someone I love, fear of simply not doing enough or being good enough, wanting to be all things to all people. This is the battle of my life. I desperately want to return to my "let go and let God" attitude (without having the illness to go with it of course). I don't want to only trust Him with the really big things. I want to trust Him with everything. I suppose this is the next step in my journey with my Lord. Pray for me, please. I am desperate for more of Him. I can't do any of this without my precious Jesus. And, you know what...He's right here as I type telling me, "I'm right here. I've always been right here, even when you don't feel me." Praise God that He doesn't depend on us and our emotions and our human attempts at fixing things! Praise God that He's always reaching out to us even when He's patiently waiting for us to realize we just need to reach back!